I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
