I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
