thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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