dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
