If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
It's shark week go big or go home
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
