I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
operation have a gay friend backfired
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
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