You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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