Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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