Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
