We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
