Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
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Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
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there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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