I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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