he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
