You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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