I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
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