just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Randomize