My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
