I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
