Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
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