you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Randomize
