I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
