Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
