I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
dude i'm inner monologue high
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Randomize
