I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
