"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
