i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Randomize
