tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
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he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
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True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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