Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Drunk is a universal language darling
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
