Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
