What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
