You smell like a Billy Joel song
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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