You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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