I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
He has the fingertips of a God
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