Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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