my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
