She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
