I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
