I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
