Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
