Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
