She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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