aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
