U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
