So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
