i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
