I cockslap morals
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
