I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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