i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
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