well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
