You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
