Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Church boner. Awkwardddd
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
