"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
