New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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