I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
