Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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