Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
