i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
