this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
