Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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