no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
