Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
You're like the curious george of whores
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
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