He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
