people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
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