Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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