We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
